I know, it's been a while... I will do better.
I have to admit an embarrassing little fact about me. Every morning upon arriving at work, before I do anything, I log into MSN and check my daily Horoscope. It's not that I really believe in all that Astronomy stuff (I know it is Astrology I was just trying to be funny), but for some reason I feel like I can't start the day without knowing what it says. EX. Today's horoscope say:
You might find it difficult to deal with people on an emotional level today, Marisa. You might find that others are too demanding of your attention, and that the want to keep the focus on themselves. At the same time you will probably need to get a bit more attention than usual. Try not to be so stubborn! Give people the love they need and you will find that the love you require will come to you as well.
I am stubborn and don't ya know I felt kinda needy today. I really struggled with wanting to call everyone I know, love and trust to complain and cry over my seemly pathetic little life. I desperately wished someone would give me the attention I felt I deserved. Then I wondered... I over-analyze everything, I know it's true, so am I over analyzing this? You know almost a self fulfilling prophesy. It has been a real effort today as I have tried to stop myself from doing it.
2007 was kind of a rough year for me. I really struggled with knowing who and where I wanted to be in my life. I let a lot of things control me. I let a lot of things that are important to me take a backseat to my own insecurities and frustrations. I became really complacent in my relationship with The Savior and with the church. I found myself neglecting my scripture study and prayers. The absence of those things left me lost, confused and really lonely. I felt stuck, paralyzed even. What I really wanted was someone to take over my life and make my decisions for me. It seemed too hard to do it myself. However, had someone stepped in and done so, I would have felt too prideful to relent power over my decisions and life path. I was pretty much stuck in a serious rut that I wasn't willing to help myself out of.
Funny, sometimes when you are least expecting it a voice of reason cuts through all of your confusion and gets you motivated to get on the right track. Without going in to details the lesson I learned (again) is The Lord loves us. He loves us so much that He will always provide us with the nourishment our souls need if we will but listen. Many times the things that are of most value to us can be found in the everyday activities that we are neglecting. Prayer, scripture study, fasting... even just fully participating in our church meetings and activities can be outlets for the will of the Father to be made known unto us. We need to open our ears and soften our hearts to know when he is speaking to us. I am thankful for that swift kick that helped me open my scriptures a little more and opening myself up to the Lord for comfort.
Obviously, I still have a ways to go since I deep in my subconscious I must be hoping that my daily ritual will provide me with some direction. Still, despite my little quirks, I find myself content with life. I am allowing myself to be happy. I am allowing myself to be myself. I see so many places to serve. So many ways I can be an influence for good. Talents to share and develop. I pray that I will continue on this forward journey of progression.
Last week was rough... not enough sleep made the 9-5 (or in my case 7-4:30) work day drag on with much pain and some near sleeping at my desk moment. I may had slept through a lunch break or two in my car at the park. Such was my plan on Friday... I had a piece of pizza in the fridge at work for my lunch and then off I was to the park where I would happily slumber. I cooked up this plan around 8:30 and could hardly wait until 12 to get my nap. 
